


Goodbye

by WickedlyFrozenEvilRegal



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 17:04:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1395574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedlyFrozenEvilRegal/pseuds/WickedlyFrozenEvilRegal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shots from season 13</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> One-shot song-fic. A letter from Olivia to Elliot. Her thoughts about working alone. 
> 
> This is set two weeks after the premiere. Enjoy and please review.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. SVU belongs to Dick Wolf and "Goodbye" belongs to Martina McBride.

Elliot,

I really do not know why I'm doing this. Writing you a letter that will never be sent that is. Maybe it will be therapeutic in working through the loss of you by my side. I feel kind of silly but here goes nothing.

_Occurred to me the other day_  
You've been gone now a couple years  
Well I guess it takes a while  
For someone to really disappear  
And I remember where I was  
When the word came about you  
It was a day much like today  
The sky was bright and wide and blue

I stepped into the squad room this morning and looked at your desk. It has been two weeks since Cragen told me you were gone for good. I still look for you and your opinion in everything I do. I need you to tell me if I'm doing my job right. I need you next to me helping me train these two.

_And I wonder where you are_  
And if the pain ends when you die  
And I wonder if there was  
Some better way to say goodbye

What are you doing now that you're no longer at SVU? Are you doing what retirees do? Staying home watching television? Going golfing? Enjoying your family while Eli is still little? Is Kathy happy your home all the time now or does she wish you were still working?

I hurt Elliot. Some days it's hard to even open my eyes, much less get out of bed. Why didn't you tell me yourself instead of letting me hear it from Cragen? He thinks of you like a son, did you know that? I guess he really is 'Dad' to you then. Haha.

_Today my heart is big and sore_  
It's trying to push right through my skin  
Won't see you anymore  
I guess that's finally sinking in  
Cause you can't make somebody see  
With the simple words you say  
All their beauty from within  
Sometimes they just look away

I saw your desk today, saw my 'new' partner sitting there and it just kind of clicked. You're really gone and you're not coming back. How can I do this job without you? You keep me together. I'm sure the newbies think I'm awful but I just don't know how to handle this. I can't handle changes like this without you by my side.

_And I wonder where you are  
And if the pain ends when you die  
And I wonder if there was  
Some better way to say goodbye_

Where are you, Elliot? Who will be there to catch me when I fall in love with the next abandoned kid only to have him ripped from my arms? Who will hold me in their arms when someone close is killed? I need you and you're gone. You don't even answer the phone. Do you not realize I need to hear your voice? I need you to tell me I can do this. I need you to tell me I can be strong without you. I need you to tell me there can be Benson without Stabler because right now I'm not sure I can even be Olivia without Elliot.

Maybe someday I will be better. Maybe after writing a few of these I will feel like I can do my job again. Maybe one of these days you will answer the phone or call me back so I can hear your voice. Until then I guess I will struggle through each day and train the new guys without you.

_Some better way to say goodbye_

One more thing before I close this letter. Since this is something you will never read I want to say something I will never be able to say to you, even if I was given the opportunity. I love you Elliot Stabler. I have for years and I always will.

I wasn't able to tell you goodbye when you left and I don't think I ever will without tears so I won't say it now. Just remember I love you and that will have to be enough for now.

Love,

Olivia

 


	2. Chapter 2

" _Give me five minutes."_

That's what she told the others before she came in here. As Olivia leaned against the wall in the interrogation room she wished she had just let Fin and the new girl go. Her tears didn't want to stop.

"Why?" she cried out in anguish. "Why did you leave me?"

She slid to the floor, burying her face against her knees, as she fully gave into her sobs. She wanted to call Elliot, yell at him, beg him to come back, anything, but her phone stayed in her pocket. As much as she wanted to pull it out she knew she had to calm down before she could speak to him.

She had known deep down that Elliot was done, she just hadn't wanted to admit it. Now it was official. She was going to be stuck with a new partner, one she knew she wouldn't like. Why? Because the new partner wouldn't be Elliot.

Raising her head, she looked at her watch, shocked to see that nearly fifteen minutes had passed. Scrambling to her feet, she wiped her eyes before leaving the room.

Re-entering the bullpen, Olivia froze. Fin and Rollins were gone and Munch was sitting at his desk. Stepping forward, she asked, "Where's Fin?"

"I sent him on with Rollins," Munch replied. "I didn't think you needed to worry about a case right now."

"Oh." She turned, her gaze falling on Elliot's desk. It still looked just like it had when Elliot had gone home that day.

"Liv."

"I'm fine," she said. "Tell Cragen I'm going home."

As she walked by Munch's desk he caught her arm. "Liv.'

"What?"

"Elliot's a good man. He put in his years."

"I know."

"It's hard enough to shoot a perp even if they live. Jenna was a victim and Elliot killed her. He had no choice but it doesn't make it any easier."

She pulled away. "I know that," she hissed. "I was there remember?"

"I remember," he sighed. "If you need to talk, I'm here."

She softened. "Thanks John."

"Go home. I know you haven't been sleeping. Now you know the final decision and can get some rest. I'll call if we need you."

She gave a small nod and went to get her stuff. As she headed toward the door she paused then went back to Munch. She gave him a hug, whispering, "Thank you, John."

"You're welcome," he replied, awkwardly patting her back.

Pulling back Olivia grabbed her bag and left. Tears were starting to fill her eyes again and she wanted to be home before they fell.

At her apartment she went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Staring at the contents she debated on pulling out a beer. She wanted to drink her problems away but was afraid she would become her mother.

Forcing herself to close the door, she went back to her bag and pulled out her phone, from where she had placed it as she was leaving the precinct. She dialed Elliot's cell and waited for the voicemail to pick up.

"Hey El, it's me again. Cragen just told me that you're done. Is that what you haven't been answering my calls?" her voice broke. "Why didn't you tell me yourself? Why did you make me hear it from Cragen? You're my partner! Not him and not some newbie they bring in to replace you." She paused fighting tears. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

She hung up and curled up on her couch. Hugging a pillow to her chest she allowed her tears to fall once again, grieving for her loss, for her partner, and for the fact that he was ignoring her. Her world was spinning out of control and she had no idea how to regain control once more.


End file.
